Thursday, July 19, 2007

You Are Not Helping

Your defense of a bastardized child of the English language (American) is obviously from the heart because one assumes the brain knows how to spell. I applaud your efforts but ask sincerely that you stop now, please. I understand you are annoyed you have to waste that extra half-second pressing one for English, I feel the same way at times, but is this really the best way to deal with the illegal immigration issue? Implying you are too ignorant to blow leaves off the sidewalk and that's why we need the people coming across the border to help us with our rampant foliage problem? Do your part, stop.

This brings to mind a few others whom I'd like to stop as well.....


1. Going on about Bill Clinton receiving oral sex in the Oval Office.

I have a hard time thinking ANY man who sits behind that smooth, glossy desk of power doesn't think about having sex at some point, let alone act on the thought. Be it with his wife, secretary, mistress, page, Secretary of State or high priced DC call girl... it isn't so much with whom they have or think of having sex with, it's just that they do. If a man doesn't want to do it in the oval office, I'm not so sure he's really a man, at least a living, breathing one.

I imagine president of the United States as being a job/position/punishment that no one in their right mind would want, but the perks make it at least bearable. There's the kitchen of world class chefs on call twenty four hours a day, seven days a week just waiting to make up a lil something or an entire diplomatic banquet, including Kobe beef that was getting a rub down less that 24 hours before it arrived at table. You wanna eat like The King? They can prepare a fried bacon and banana sandwich, or a dozen, any time you want. If satisfying epicurian indulgences is accepted and encouraged why is physical pleasure of a more carnal than carne asada nature taboo? I can't be the only one who thinks a horny leader is a better leader than one with blue balls. Say what you will but at least a president who is busy chasing tail is also too busy to start wars with no end.


2. Referring to entertainment as news.

Some suggested alternatives are infertainment, amnewsment or tewsbloids. But please, let's all agree to stop acting as if those meat puppets and talking heads going on about some drug-addled, talentless yet indulged, walking sperm dumpster's most recent mewl for attention is news or anything remotely important. They aren't on the telly because they are famous, they are famous because they've been shoved in your face for so long you recognize Rupert Murdoch's wet dreams as household names. Now, if they would just strap a camera to each of the Bush daughter's heads and had a live feed.... well, maybe in one and a half years eh?


3. Saying we are killing the planet. I'm not suggesting we aren't hurting it, much in the way a bad case of Shingles hurts, but to say we are killing it? I really think you are giving humans way too much credit. Oh, no doubt we are capable of killing ourselves but I don't think your green earth mother would mind one bit. Same goes for global warming. This planet has been through far worse climate changes and done very well globally speaking, but we have not. To be honest that baby mammoth has me all excited about what else might be revealed from the retreating premafrost..... a frozen Yeti? Frozen aliens and their preserved space ship? Maybe the gateway to Agharta? I can't wait for a Discovery channel special on one of those!


4. trying to be your child's 'friend'. Little Royal or Ashelee don't need you as a friend, they have peers for that. When they need discipline and you can't stand being the 'uncool parent' so you cave in, you are not helping. When you post bail because they are just too 'innocent' to spend the night with all those 'real' criminals, you are not helping. When they look to you for guidance and you hand them a joint or a beer, or when you try to buy the affection you didn't earn with time, you are not helping.

When you blame school, society, television, music, games, anything but yourself because you are a good parent and your pride and joy is a good kid, saying it's everyone else who failed you both, you are certainly not helping. They say this new crop of young adults was told they were special for no good reason a hundred times too many and now expect recognition and praisejust for doing their job. I guess that's because the parents expected a medal for not doing theirs? Parents are meant to raise children to self sufficiency, give them skills and tools, instill work ethics and morals. So please, don't expect the schools, movies, television, society or anyone else to do that while yer too busy trying to organize a kegger for your sixteen year old, because they don't, and aren't even meant to. That's your job.



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