Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Undead Fashion Preview

All Hallow's Eve looms on the horizon, that one night a year when even the most unnatural of creatures can walk freely amongst us and instead of facing discrimination or derision are actually greeted warmly and given "best costume" awards, free booze and drugs. Recent years however have seen an increasing visibility of certain undead special interest groups; a myriad of zombie-culture promoting games, movies and songs, the growing number of vampyres filling out W-2 forms, clinically brain-dead persons receiving government paychecks and minion-sluts who dominate the entertainment industry.

Like the rest of us these undead need food, minimal shelter and clothing, designer clothing........

Though technically not undead Thralls are still a growing part of the pro-undead movement by acting as aides and lobbyists during daylight hours. Max Mara brings us this practical yet fashionable slave shift in olive drab silk contrasted with a panel of aluminum samite. Ever mindful of the unique needs of living challanged clientel each slave shift has been treated with a revolutionary new stain and mildew resistant chemical created by 3M called RotGuard which Mr. Mara claims can lengthen the life of his fashions by centuries.

From coffin to boardroom. Centuries of value retaining capital in the form of gold, property and family heirlooms coupled with an ability to control the minds of even the most dissenting board of director's members or clients means vampires are ideally suited for the buisiness world. Inspired by one of the more famous daywalkers of buisiness, Joan Crawford, is this smart buisiness suit by Martin Margela of black and vermillion virgin wool contrasting a shell of buff colored silk with kevlar lining.

A recent fatal runway accident involving DK China Doll shoes has been a boon for Sadie Grey. Born half undead, the product of a Ginger and a Lithuanian opera singer, Sadie has been reported as saying "Until became fully undead I never understood my true Daywalker nature, sure I enjoyed being thin and transparent when backlit but now I can see the prejudice and hatred that follows so many of my fellow undead. Thank gods in the fashion industry my condition is considered "exotic" and "marketable", I hate to think what my life would be like if I had gone to medical school as my parents always wanted."

Recently signed by Christopher Kane to debut his Daywear for Daywalkers collection, Sadie's career has never been better. Here she models an afternoon tea frock of distressed, ivory tafetta and lime green chiffon with contrasting virulent pus colored belt and piping. Sexy, strappy duct tape sandals that are guaranteed never to slip off mid stride and entangle themselves about the neck causing asphyxiation complete this ensemble.

Rei Kawakubo assures us that one thing Hungry Ghosts won't hunger for is fine fashion. With this artfully shredded Tyvek evening coat and single edition McCloud tartan capri pants, which were hand woven by methanphetamine addicts in Glasgow as part of a tax shelter program created by Donna Karen, Rei proves to us all that social conscience and fashion CAN mix.

Mummy Dearest! Jean-Paul Gaultier offers up this smart and stylish houndstooth bodystocking and hood with matching accessories modeled by none other than ZaSu Pitts. The rising popularity of botox parties, collagen injections and the modern breakthrough of facial reattatchment surgery has meant that great strides are being made towards a glorious future of reanimated, mummified legends of the silver screen. While not at the "extreme close up stage" progress has certainly been made and soon new generations will learn what true talent really is.


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