Saturday, October 14, 2006

"No Costume" Halloween Costumes



The Deadly Sin of Wrath is much more than general bitchiness, knee-jerk racism or an anger management problem, although these are the fragile seeds that can grow, if nurtured and indulged, into the kind of white hot rage that leads to shooting a bitch in the face because she beeped her horn at you, beating a child to death for pissing his pants or ethnic cleansing.

Clothing: Wear all red clothes and some kind of "shit kicker" boots. Accent with a T- shirt that says something like "Kill them all, let god sort them out" emblazoned across a flaming skull with crossed machine guns or a simple mushroom cloud. On a budget? Get some of those iron-on letters and make your own slogan. Use words such as "Hate" and "War", or choose phrases like "Why build a wall when you can drop a bomb?", "Hell yes! Nuke that mess!", "Faggots are Maggots,Thank God I'm a Man!", "War is Hella" or "Fuck Sex!"
Fill your purse or pockets with cheap breakables like small cups and saucers or adorable tchotkes which can be smashed to punctuate your anger throughout the evening.

Behavior: ( In this case it's probably best to let your host/ess in on your costume as Wrath tends to piss people off in extremes) Speak loudly at all times, just on the edge of shouting and stand uncomfortably close to any one you are speaking to. Covertly place the breakable tchotkes on shelves and tables around the room so that they appear to belong to your host/ess, these items will come into play later. Try to exude a low level of constant seething anger towards everything and everyone from the choice of snack foods offered to the music being played and the perceived sexual orientation of certain party guests. Cast off the shackles of "Political Correctness" and indulge yourself in anti-social behavior. It helps if you are willing to stay sober because then no one can pass off your behavior as that of an "angry drunk".

When anything interests you conversationally or otherwise, shout, breathe heavily and, if you can get worked up enough, froth at the mouth flinging spittle on alternating consonants (a little piece of alka seltzer between the cheek and gum goes a long way). When people disagree with your views ask if they are purposefully trying to piss you off with their stupidity. In any discussion propose violence as the only real solution no matter how ridiculous that may seem, such as desecrating the grave of an old woman for animal rights or shooting doctors to save unborn children. Rather than throwing punches and picking fights, smash one of the breakable items you previously placed and mumble how you wish it was really the person's face. Be sure to make a lot of unblinking eye contact when you do this and the occasional twitch of a fist can accent the rage nicely. If it looks like things might escalate to blows just scream and froth, smash some more things and storm out saying you don't need their fucking bullshit. You may then laugh your ass off in the privacy of your own car or home. Your host/ess will sadly have to wait until the party's over.


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