Sunday, October 15, 2006

"No Costume" Halloween Costumes

Seven Deadly Sins: Part IV


On the subject of Princesses: Poster girls for the Deadly Sin of Pride, these aren't little girls playing at princess, these are the real deal trapped in a wearying world. Perhaps you've seen them, these are the poor adult maidens who were born in the wrong era and know it. It's easy to spot a princess, they tend to wear crowns or tiaras, sparkly fairy-like clothes and too much velvet when shopping for groceries. Even so, the most indispensable part of a princesses' wardrobe is her expression; a slightly wrinkled nose, ever so gently pouting lower lip and bored expression. Life for the princess is a continual procession of tedious sub-standard persons and situations that revolve around her like tiny planets made of dung.

Clothing: Dress in whatever you look your very best in. If you aren't sure a good indicator is the more uncomfortable the clothes make you feel the better you probably look in them, especially with shoes. Be sure to have a compact or pocket mirror and comb handy for constant touch-ups and primping. Your looking so good is a gift to others, so don't hold back! If you use perfume or colonge be sure to use 5 times as much as you would normally so that you are surrounded by a veritable aura of overpowering scent. This lets people know you approacheth, announcing you arrival like a herald with trumpet so that they might prepare for your majestic presence.

Behavior: Self righteousness and a chronic lack of humility are the hallmarks of sinful pride so be sure to steer all conversations to discussions about yourself and your many talents, downplay the skills of others and focus on your own. If you must talk about others be sure to point out their many flaws, and how tragic they are. Be extremely blunt in pointing out the flaws of others, it is your duty as a superior being to help those poor pathetic individuals learn by your example.

Mention any charity work you might do as it relates to your feeling so gosh darned good about yourself. The charity is secondary to what a wonderful person you are for caring so very much about the less fortunate. In fact, wonder often out loud what these groups would ever do without you. Compare yourself to Mother Theresa, Princess Diana or Bill Gates.
If you don't do any charity work bemoan how you'd love to help but it's just so hard to find the time with all the other important things you do.

Be sure to mix and move about a lot so everyone present has a chance to enjoy your company and benefit from your sage advice. Always look your very best, even if this means suspending conversation to check your lip liner, adjust your hair or wipe your shoes down with a soft cloth.

Leave early and announce your departure with just a tinge of sadness and regret that the party has to end so soon but you must go. Parting is such sweet sorrow, for them.


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